Bringing up kids without tearing them down

Bringing up kids without tearing them down 
Leman, Kevin. 

Review by Monika Singhi Celly

The author offers practical advice on raising children in a way that won't hurt their self esteem, starting with ``A-B-C's'' of self-worth (acceptance, belonging, confidence). Backed by real life examples, this book is a step by step guide to inculcate discipline, family values & love in children. Almost all the examples sounds familiar because we see them everywhere around. Each example is concluded with a solution which seems practical. The book also sounds real because the author shares his own experience as a father. Dr Levin has strongly advocated ’Reality Discipline' where the nature of action will determine the teaching tools to be used.

The last two sections of each chapter `Words To Remember'' and ``Actions To Try'' are good for future reference. The final section of the book is written in a question-and-answer format, based according to the child's age. Overall, a good book for parents.

About the Reviewer

Monika Singhi Celly is a counselor and teacher by occupation. Also a mother to an extremely engaging 3 year old who loves to chatter non-stop, Monika tries her best to put aside professional abilities when at home! An avid reader and a passionate cook, she propagates healthy cooking and eating habits through her blog Vegetarian Surprises.

2 States - The story of my marriage

Book Title – 2 States, The Story of my marriage

Author – Chetan Bhagat

Genre – Fiction, Romance, Drama

Year Published - 2009

My rating – 4/10

The Story

Krish and Ananya meet as students in one of the most reputed MBA colleges of India and fall in love. Krish wants to be a writer someday and Ananya is an ambitious girl with a rebellious temperament. Love, they say has no boundaries but geography is what comes across as the biggest obstacle in the couple’s union.

Krish is from Delhi, India’s capital situated in the northern part of the country and Ananya is from Tamilnadu, a state in the south of India. Not only are the two states poles apart, each at one corner on the map but the people couldn’t be more different. From clothes to cuisine; appearance to mannerism; religion to culture, everything about them is a contrast. Parents of both Krish and Ananya are not happy with this self sought alliance and in a place like India where majority of the marriages are still “arranged” it can mean trouble.

It is this journey between the two states that takes the story forward. How krish manages to make a place for himself in Ananya’s household and how Ananya argues her way to acceptance at a North Indian wedding is what this drama is all about.

The Review

Chetan Bhagat writes movies. When I pick up a book written by him (and I have read most of them by now), there is this distinct feeling of reading a hindi masala movie instead of a novel. So is that supposed to be good or bad? That depends on whether you like masala movies or not.

Let us begin with some good things about this book.

As always, the author starts on an interesting note. He captures your attention and prompts you to read on. The pace of the story is fast enough. A boy and a girl from 2 different states in India, as different as chalk and cheese, fall in love and want to get married. The story shifts base from Ahmedabad (a neutral ground) and then alternates between Delhi and Chennai as Krish and Ananya try all the tricks in the books to turn the objections of their parents into affirmation.

Humor is definitely the strong point of this book. Chetan Bhagat’s writing style is witty and it comes across even at critical junctures in the story making them memorable. Ananya’s sizzling responses to Krish’s sly comments are amusing. Krish’s dealings with his boss Bala are also funny in places.

The author shows a progression of relationship from love, sex and living in together as naturally as everything else without sensationalizing it. Maybe there is a point to prove. Maybe the intention of the author is to tell us that the new age generation in India doesn’t treat those as taboo. If that really is the case, it’s a wonderful change.

The character portrayal of Ananya is very impressive. I am not surprised considering that the book is based on the Author’s own romance and subsequent marriage to his batch mate. Ananya is smart, independent and can stand up for herself and her loved ones. She can also not cook, which in my opinion is a trait possessed by a strong personality taken into context of an Indian society.

Chetan Bhagat’s books always have a lot of things going on in them and 2 States is no different. Here, Krish comes from a dysfunctional family and deals with it as any normal person can be expected to. The author paints a very honest picture of how things work in such households, especially with women. They make up excuses for what needs to be exposed and they stay on even in the most hopeless of marriages resigned to fate. For women like Krish’s mother, it pays to be knowingly oblivious as the alternate is even more scary; social stigma.

Now the not so good part:

It is hard for a non-Indian to relate to this book. It is not a universal love story that anybody anywhere in this world can read and enjoy. No, you have to know India, its people, its geographical and caste divide to actually appreciate the humor and drama in this novel.

I have said this before and I will say it again. Chetan Bhagat doesn’t write books, he writes movies. It is like one cliché followed by another and the book doesn’t end till he has tried them all. The parts where krish tries to make his place in the Swaminathan househould to the big fat Punjabi wedding episode, it all looks translated from a Hindi movie. Chetan Bhagat is a very popular author and his books have been made into movies because they are already movie ready!

From the main characters, Krish lacks the personality that Ananya is so full of. Maybe it’s true, opposites attract.

Krish’s maternal side of the family is too much to take. I wish the author had given them fewer pages.

The hunky dory scene with the father as the story concludes is a total sham. One minute Krish  can’t stand the sight of his glass hurling, loser of a husband, father and a couple of pages down the father is forgiven, all his misdeeds forgotten, because of that one trip to Chennai. I guess anything can happen in books.

I will sum it up like this. If you are a teenager and looking to read an Indian love story you may like this book as a light breezy read, getting too much like a hindi movie at times, yet enjoyable. BUT if you are looking for a good read with no background whatsoever in the ways of the world in those two states of India, this isn’t the book for you.

My recommendation would be a NO assuming the reader could be anybody and from any part of the world.

Chetan Bhagat has a very good flow with the way he writes his stories. I do not doubt his writing skills; in fact I quite like the sharp humor exhibited in his books. I am just waiting for him to go beyond the clichés to actually appreciate his writings.

Significant Specifics

Most of this book is a true account of the Author’s own romance and marriage.

I'LL Walk Alone

Book Title – I’ ll Walk Alone

Author – Mary Higgins Clark

Genre – Fiction, Suspense

Year Published - 2011

My rating – 4/10

The Story

Alexandra “Zan” is a gifted interior designer who is very passionate about her work and finding her missing son. Kidnapped from the Central Park in broad daylight when he was 3 years old, Mathew’s whereabouts still dominate Zan’s life. Ted Carpenter, her ex-husband and Mathew’s father does not make it any easier, constantly accusing her of being careless although Mathew was with a baby sitter who fell asleep when he was taken away from his stroller. A budding entrepreneur, she is about to land on a project which might be her key to the much deserved success and recognition but tragedy revisits Zan on what could have been Mathew’s 5^th Birthday. Zan is shocked to discover that her finances have been operated without her knowledge and her identity stolen. She is accused of kidnapping her own son with evidence impossible to overlook. She suspects Bartley Longe, her ex-employer and a bitter rival who seems to be capable of stooping to any level to take his revenge. But Father Aiden O’ Brien has every reason to believe it was Zan who paid him a in the confession room about a crime yet to be committed. With every passing day the mystery deepens as Zan holds on to her faith of finding Mathew alive. An amateur detective and a lottery winner, Alvirah Meehan and her husband are Zan’s support system and want to help prove her innocence. As the plot unravels, crimes of abduction, impersonation and even a possible murder come to light and not only is Zan’s identity but even sanity is at stake.

The Review

I always pick up a Mary Higgins Clark book when in mood for suspense. She does a good job of holding my attention till the very end and in that respect, this book is a success. I couldn’t guess “Who done it”,the cause of which maybe either my poor detective skills or the author’s superior writing skills.

Keeping up with the modern day environment, we are presented with a crime thriller dealing with identity theft at the helm of affairs. There is the rest of the stuff too but a preview of the book said it was about identity theft. And that is where it disappointed me a little bit. The whole identity theft scenario has been put up and concluded in such a  simplistic way, it is almost amateurish. As you read through the pages, the Clark touch is there in other crimes like kidnapping that take place in the novel and they make for a gripping read but not the identity theft part. To me it wasn’t so effective; it didn’t scare the hell out of me thinking how terrible it can be if my account was hacked. But with the missing child part and the devastation it creates in a parent’s life, Higgins hit right on mark. It is every parent’s nightmare; losing a child and we empathize with Zan, so again central character portrayal – full marks. The reason I rate this book lower than 5 out of 10 is because of the final few pages and I don’t mean the suspense part. The suspense is good but very hastily disclosed at the very end.  The way the story builds up one would expect a lot more explanation than what actually is provided to summarize the book.  The author has thrown in lot of things in the concluding pages as a result of which clarity and motive of the crime look like they have been compromised.

I’ ll Walk Alone is a book I would pick of because of its Author and her previous works. It hasn’t been a boring read, I finished it at one go, but it wasn’t the biting nail or edge of the seat suspense either. An average read if you are not too picky about endings.

Significant Specifics

I’ll Walk Alone has been written by the Author at the age of 84.

The Help

Book Title – The Help

Author – Kathryn Stockett
Genre - Fiction, Drama

My rating – 9/10

The Story

Racial discrimination then prevalent forms the basis of this interesting novel set in the 1960s in Jackson, Mississippi. Skeeter Phelan finishes college and comes back to her hometown nurturing dreams of becoming a writer. Her mother on the other hand dreams for her to be settled in marital bliss. She does land up a writing job but not the kind she envisioned. Her writing assignments for a housekeeping column bring her to Aibileen, a maid at the home of Elizabeth Leefolt, one of Skeeter’s best friends. Aibileen takes care of Mae Mobley, Elizabeth’s toddler along with performing other housekeeping duties. This encounter leads to revelation of sorts. A faint hope of recognition by a popular publisher and the search for answers about Constantine, the woman who raised her, brings Skeeter to Aibileen’s doorstep and from thereon begins their writing journey. Which brings us to the other important characters of the story – there is this fiery Minny, who does not hesitate to give a piece of her mind and something else to her white employer and there is also Ms. Hilly Holbrook, the employer in question, Skeeter’s friend and the head of the Junior League.  As the voyage of alphabets continues and the stories unfold, Skeeter comes face to face with the harsh and unpleasant particulars of subsistence led by the African-Americans in the society and starts questioning the role of her own people in it.  A short lived romance with Stuart Whitworth that ends on a disastrous note finds a place somewhere in between the months when the three women keep coming together for a common purpose. At the onset, fear, hesitation, suspicion and anger, all the emotions put together dissuade the colored maids from opening up to Skeeter but in the end it is those very sentiments that give them the required strength.

The Review

“How does it feel to raise a white person’s child when your own child is at home being looked after by someone else?” This Question asked by Skeeter to Aibileen more or less sets the mood for this novel. But if you went on to read thinking the story would provide insight only in the world of the colored help like Aibileen and Minny, you wouldn’t be more wrong. The book is as much about Skeeter, the writer, as it is about the subjects. If Aibileen who loves Mae Mobley enough to teach her the lessons of life can be regarded as a misfit because hidden inside her is a terrific writer; than Skeeter, the awkward gawky girl who was never asked out on prom night and who dreams of being a writer more than a wife is clearly the oddball amongst her married socialite friends. Taking the racial divide as the core of the story, the book focuses on the plight of the colored domestic helpers working for white employers, in their own words. Some of them do have positive experiences to share but most of them echo hurt, shame and feelings of indignation on being treated as untouchables. The irony is not lost on anyone that the employers trust them with their most prized possessions – their babies and doubt them on everything else.

I can think of many attributes that make this a good book to read, the author’s clarity on what she wants to write about being one of them. The depiction of Aibileen’s pain on losing her 24 year old son occupies a few paragraphs and still says a lot about the person she is; Minny’s sense of humor and Skeeter’s perseverance, all build together to an interesting read.

The book also brings out the contrast in human nature. Elizabeth is not a very affectionate mom but she still wants more kids, Hilly organizes fundraisers to benefit  poor children somewhere in the third world countries but doesn’t have a dime to spare for the loan requested by her maid for her boys’ college education. Minny’s “I don’t take any nonsense” attitude at work is a far cry from the bruises suffered at home.

The treatment dished out to Celia Foote and her blind eye to the most apparent insults tells us the human craving to fit into a particular society is nothing new. We all want to be accepted, colored or not.

In spite of such a bearing subject, the book is full of light moments; never does it get to a point where you feel like putting it down to get some air. The help tells us a story of the unfair in the society, but it also talks about hope. It gives us a glimpse of the almost inhuman treatment given out to the helpers and on the same page reveals the unabashed love and tender feelings shared by the children and their caretakers.

It is hard not to think about this book, about Aibileen and Skeeter, long after you are finished with it. That should say it all.

Significant Specifics

This is the Author’s debut novel. It took 5 years to complete, was rejected by 60 publishers and by now has roughly sold about 5 million copies. A movie based on this novel released in the year 2011 and turned out to be a huge box office success.